By a Spanish CODA Living in the UK: Still Confused Since 2016

Let’s get one thing straight: when you move to another country and English isn’t even your second language (hello, Spanish and Spanish Sign Language 👋), life gets... well, interesting. Suddenly, you find yourself nodding through conversations, laughing three seconds too late, and praying nobody asks you a question while you're sipping your coffee.

As a CODA (Child of Deaf Adults), I've spent a lifetime navigating the beautiful chaos of communication through hands, faces, and sometimes wild guessing. So imagine my delight when I realised that people learning a foreign language and those with hearing loss actually share a lot in common.

We are a tribe. A confused, lip-reading, context-clinging tribe.

1. We All Need Peace and Quiet

Forget trendy open-plan cafés. Give us one table, two chairs, and zero background noise. That’s the dream.

People with hearing loss need to focus hard on lipreading and facial cues. Foreign language learners (especially those of us who are still stuck at “Pardon, can you repeat that but... slower, please?”) need to concentrate on every syllable, every eyebrow twitch, every breath.

Now, if you add a coffee machine grinding beans and Coldplay softly murdering your attention span in the background, along with a waiter mumbling the specials?

We’re all doomed. Just write it on a napkin, gracias.

2. The Phone is Our Mortal Enemy

Phone calls are a universal nightmare. For the hard of hearing, they are frustrating and inaccessible. For us foreigners? It feels like being thrown into a live radio interview in a dialect you weren’t warned about.

There are no lips to read. No body language. Just raw, cruel, accent-heavy audio.

You answer a phone call and immediately regret every life choice that led to this moment. The person on the other end may say something like, “Would you like to confirm your appointment?” or possibly something entirely different like, “Did you leave your alpaca on the bus?” You may never know.

3. Subtitles = Survival

If the subtitles are off, so are we. Deaf individuals rely on captions for access. Non-native speakers rely on them for understanding and emotional stability.

We may rewatch an entire show just because we didn’t quite grasp that plot twist the first time.

Without subtitles, we miss the nuance. And if you’ve ever watched The Great British Bake Off and heard “soggy bottom” without context… you know how important nuance can be.

4. We All Love a Good Light Source

Good lighting is crucial for Deaf folks, as it significantly aids lipreading and understanding facial expressions. This holds true for us foreigners too.

When words elude us, we look for meaning in the eyes, the hands, and the enthusiastic eyebrow movements. Ever tried to understand an English person whispering in a dimly lit pub? You might as well be at a séance.

5. We’re Exhausted. Like, Spiritually.

Whether you're lipreading for hours or translating everything in your head before you speak, it can be draining.

We nod a lot. We smile politely. We sometimes accidentally agree to things like goat yoga or a second date. Later, we go home, lie down in a dark room, and whisper to ourselves: “Just smile and say yes. It’s easier.”

6. Sometimes, We Just Pretend

You haven’t lived until you’ve confidently said “Yes!” to something you didn’t understand — only to regret it three seconds later.

Deaf people and foreign language learners have both mastered the ancient art of The Strategic Nod™. A small tilt of the head, a smile, maybe a laugh… you’re in the clear.

Until someone asks, “So you’re okay to present the project tomorrow, yes?” Help.

Confused but United

Whether you're hard of hearing, Deaf, learning a new language, or just permanently confused by British idioms (please explain “chuffed to bits”), we are in this together.

Let’s advocate for clearer communication, better lighting, subtitles everywhere, and cafés that understand our desperate need for silence.

And if you ever see me smiling and nodding during a conversation, just know: I may not know what’s happening. But I’m giving it my absolute best.

Did you enjoy this post? Are you feeling confused but laughing? Share it with your international friends, Deaf mates, or that one coworker who also smiles through the pain.

Drop a comment if you’ve ever nodded your way into a bizarre situation.

DeafAwareness ForeignLanguageLife CODAhumour LipreadingInTheWild CommunicationFails LifeInTranslation